There is a belief and a stigma that I want to shatter right here and right now.
Being a mum / parent of a child that rejects you and rebels your idea of parenting, is not a reflection of your self worth, is not a mirror of your capability as a parent, and does not mean that you are a ‘bad’ parent.
As a lone mother of a very bright, determined, and headstrong child, I certainly had my work cut out for me. As my daughter, who is now 18, grew and flourished, her determination to do things her way strengthened. This I know is natural, however my experience of mothering was not what I ever imagined it would be.
The pain, struggle and turmoil of my daughter’s rejection and outright rebellion often left me in pieces, on the floor, broken, not knowing which way to turn. The feeling of helplessness at 2pm in the morning not knowing where your 13 year old is can leave you in devastation and tears, well it did that for me. Calling her number over and over again on speed dial to frustratingly hear …. ‘this is vodaphone voicemail service for ………’ WTF, acting on teachers advice to ‘call the police,’ oh and that one really worked, as in doing so I was told ‘thank you for calling, we will let you know if we find her, and by the way it’s not only you that’s calling in tonight, thousands of other parents are calling in from around the country right now looking for their children!’ as if that would make me feel better! Actually that was just as bad as hearing from well meaning friends and colleagues ‘oh she a teenager, they’re all the same at that age!…. UUUURRRGH, that’s got to be the most unwanted piece of verbiage that you want to hear, when your child is God knows where at 2 in the morning, her phone’s off and your in the midst of a local field, stepped in cow dung, freezing cold, looking for the ‘GATHERING’ that she might be at, and you are feeling totally crushed with helplessness.
OK so back to the point here, I am a spiritual teacher and coach, and I know in my heart that we are all one, and I also know the power of affirmative prayer and forgiveness. In those moments of brokenness at rock bottom, not knowing which way to turn I was being given the most incredible opportunity to turn to the one place that has become my ROCK SOLID, God, the Divine, Source in, as and through me. As I learned to listen, to forgive, to heal those parts of me that were crying out to be recognised and harmonised, I began to see and know myself in a whole new light. I stopped looking for her to change and I became fully engaged in my process of transformation. I owned what she was showing me and I did the work relentlessly, on me.
Lets get some metaphysical clarity here …. the reflection that is being mirrored back to us in each and every moment, is not here to mirror the external physical experience, we might not like what that person is doing or saying however that’s the veil of illusion, the reflection is here to show us and HIGHLIGHT the FEELINGS and MEANINGS that we attach to this experience, so that we can heal these feelings from the root. What we are being presented with, in the moment, is a replaying scenario that we have willingly swept under the carpet and ignored, often for decades. Becoming aware of the root and hidden beliefs, which by the way is a very simple and swift process, instantly dissolves the beliefs.
Leaning into the body of our lives, be it our outer affairs in business, relationships, money, career and health, is the only way to heal and reveal the new, which is desperately wanting to express through you in every moment. So the story is vital, its the treasure map, and one you have arrived at the destination you can chuck the map away. This is a bold and it can be very swift process, I have guided numerous mothers to shift instantly through this and transform.
I want you to know that you are an incredible parent, you are not making mistakes,and your self worth is not tied to your child. Your child is here as a messenger to show you who you truly are. Knowing this alone shifts everything. The story that you are believing right now is not permanent and can be transformed, and that story is packed with gems ready to shine up and sparkle out. Unlike traditional therapy and counselling that can drag on for months even years, this process, and others that I use, is imminent.
Believe me I know firsthand that we can’t expect anyone else to changs and I make this very clear to clients, and for the most part they understand this. I also know that when in the midst of turmoil and that mama pain, all we want is for our child/ren to change, to have empathy, to understand. However this is not where they are, they are not ready for our needs, we have to stand up for that and to realign ourselves with the only thin that is going on …. LOVE.
I believe that through our relationships, we are each gifted a deeper knowing of the aspects that we are here to strengthen. For me that was to dissolve old, stored feelings around rejection. Our children are not here to mirror our lack and show us where we are going wrong, they are here to mirror those unhealed aspects that are calling out to be loved, revealed and harmonised from deep within. I educate clients to know that whatever is brought to them by their child is an absolute gift, and that the ‘story’ that they are creating around this a giftbox, packed with gems, awaiting complete transformation.
I have learned through my experience and through many years of spiritual leadership education, and I am on a mission as I teach parents the power of forgiveness for self and others. I know that whatever the pain is that you may be experiencing right now, that you can transform this and deeply heal in the present moment. There are no shortcuts, and yet the moment that you say yes to letting go of trying to control the external, dynamic shifts will take place in your world and those around you, including your child/ren will feel this and a shift will take place for them also.
Your #MAMMAPOWER Checklist
- Are you meditating in the sacred silence for 20 minutes regularly and daily, if not why not?
- Are you regularly looking in the mirror and positively acknowledging your spirit/soul beauty?
- Have you thought about and written out your values and boundaries, and are you sticking to them?
Constant Love to you
Im MAMMALAURA and I teach women to how to STAND IN their Vision and bring their DIVINE Purpose to the world