As I sat there listening to my mum saying for the umpteenth time “it shouldn’t be like this,” I was transported back to a time when I also allowed beliefs to strongly navigate my life, a time when I believed that life was set into categories of good – bad, acceptable – unacceptable, right and wrong.
As I daydreamed through her conversation, I found myself being so grateful for all of the work that I have willingly done on myself in the past 10 years. Don’t get me wrong here, I am not judging my mum, in fact I am so blessed that this came into the light with her, as it is has given me a deeper dive into this fascinating topic, and after all my mum was talking about my daughter and the trail of “stuff” that she leaves around the house. I know that on one level she is right, how can one person be so unaware of the mess that she creates and ignores, that is enough to piss off a house proud grandma! However what I also know is that our minds are always looking to keep us in the pigeonhole of safety that we are comfortable living in, even if this causes suffering and struggle. You see when we place judgement on our experience we are simply categorising and compartmentalising brief snapshots and allowing these to be the perception of our reality. From a law of attraction perspective, which by the way is NOT what we have been fed to believe it is, we then limit the possibilities that are here waiting to materialise through us and pop into our experience.
Being a 56 year young recovering judgement addict, I know how easy it is to look at life and immediately pigeonhole snapshots, circumstances and experiences as being wanted or unwanted. I’ve read the Power of Now! and umpteen other serious consciousness publications, and am ten years into a course of spiritual leadership study that is giving me an arse kick, and permission to dissolve who I think I Am and thought I was. However, standing there in the kitchen with my mum, I felt her pain and angst, and knew that she was just about at the end of her mama power tether.
You see the patience of an 80 year old wise woman had been overly tested by the defiance of a 19 year young whirlwind, and living together has become an extraordinary experience for both of them, and for me. For someone looking in on this it might seem like a strange situation, and for both of them, and me, it’s not ideal. However as I reminded my mum in that moment, as she cut another big slice of cake for me!
“If you believe that “it shouldn’t be like this,” then you are denying yourself the biggest opportunity to live, grow and expand in your awareness, and to know that this too is the Divine coming through as love. Life right now is showing you that you are here to be a greater expression of love and to overcome your fears and petty judgements, and to use this experience as a mirror so that you can then willingly open up and look within to forgive the parts of you that you see in her.”
Well I want to be fully honest here, I didn’t actually say all of that out loud, that would have been the end of the cake for me, that was the big invisible speech bubble that my mum couldn’t see.
What I really said was “how can I make this better for you?”
Saying this immediately broke down a wall and opened our hearts.
There we were mother – daughter – granddaughter – daughter triangle, well more like a square, and what I knew in that moment was that LOVE really does heal the way. You see the mind is our caretaker, it wraps us up in cotton wool, and keeps us nice and snuggly so that when seeming “disaster” happens, we shrink into the comfort zone of smallness. This smallness shows up as judgement, which in turn shows up and keeps us held in a perpetual cycle of lack,limit and not enoughness.
So what is the answer, how do we stop the judgement when everything seems so desperate?
Well the simplest way that I believe works, and by the way so do my students, is to see everything through the eyes of LOVE. The only job that we have is to work on ourselves, our consciousness and our intentions, this is the key to successful living. As we soften our hearts and come back to the knowing that none of us are really running the show here, we are simply the vessels for that greater expression of love, this overrides our thoughts, and brings us back to that place of neutrality where we can say,
“this is exactly as it’s meant to be.”
As we navigate our inner experience by grasping onto our outer world we are setting ourselves up for a let down, the key is to lead from within, allow the heart to be the healing force for our lives and feel our way back to that rock solid foundation of knowing that love is always coming through. As we set intention to rise up and above from the so called dislikes of our lives, it is then, as if by magic, that our experience changes including the way that we see and know others. From here we can transcend meaning and simply bE in the experience, over riding the mind and its mission to keep us in bondage. This is FREEDOM at its best and this is the art of loving ourselves.
Our relationships are the most fertile ground for powerful, positive, personal, development, they are not to be ignored. Every conversation is a possibility for growth and when we are able to helicopter over ourselves and to be the witness of our lives, we can work miracles. Standing in your power is the first step to life transformation, I learned this a while back and I believe that it is a lifetime skill that calls for attention and love in every single moment. Use your life as a launchpad for growth and you will get to that place where you know that what ever is going on, it is all just right.