You Got The Power – Use It.
It was exactly a year ago this month, October 2019, that I made the conscious choice to walk away from living with my daughter, my mum, and my dad.
I was 55 years young and had been living back in my old bedroom for two years, with my then 17-year-old daughter properly planted in her room next door. I won’t go into the raw detail of what got me back at my mum’s in the first place, that’s a whole other piece of content!!! My reasons for leaving were steeped in my own choice to stop people-pleasing, enabling, and bring the destination for others’ blame and discontent. This was not an easy choice, I really didn’t know where I was going, and yet it was one that was very necessary and incredibly empowering.
The journey that I have been on during this year has been one of incredible personal growth. Home hopping, car sleeping, and financial insecurity, all while steeped in Ministerial spiritual leadership education, and awakening to the real meaning of life and what true happiness is. This sweet and sour adventure has become my bedrock for truly understanding that the meaning that I placed on experiences determine the experience.
4th July 2020
Lockdown lifted, seat belt on, my beloved in the driver’s seat, ignition started, every single possession we owned shoved in the back of the Ford Focus, and ready to go, we just didn’t know where! As we both turned and looked at each other and said “where to now” suddenly the freedom of weaving my way around Brighton, air b and b hopping, and sofa surfing to stay safe and healthy during the pandemic, came to a halt. I was now bored of this game and felt the need for some sense of physical stability, a home where I could at least unpack my 6 bags and feel grounded. That was to come, I just didn’t know how at the time.
Have you ever slept overnight in your car? I don’t mean because you want to, but because there was no other choice at the time. Well if you haven’t I wouldn’t recommend it. If you have then I have a question? How did you navigate the gearstick and the handbrake in the early hours of the morning?
It was on the second morning of this camping in a car fiasco that I awoke, remembering that we were in the King Alfred car park. As I came into theta state and gently repeated my gratitude and intentions for the day, I was blasted with a loud conversation from two overly eager paddle-boarders standing right next to our car, discussing the tide times and last night’s dinner! This was not funny anymore, I had come to that place where I know all power mamas reach eventually…
I needed my bed.
I made the firm decision that this was changing and that by the coming evening we would be sleeping in a bed with a private bathroom. I was on a mission to redefine homelessness with three words sealed on my heart… resourcefulness, resilience, and FAITH.
My spiritual teachers regularly say, “we don’t get what we want, we get what we believe!” and by belief, they mean the sum total of conscious and subconscious. That night as I landed with a bump in temporary accommodation, miles away from Brighton, I asked myself “ what must I truly believe? and how can I change those beliefs… quickly?”
No more spiritual bypass.
This was my time to get down and dirty with my whole belief system, and to open to the gift that was being thrust upon me! I didn’t like it, and yet I knew what was mine to do. It was time for me to do the work I had been putting off for years, to once and for all dissolve the lineage of lack and limit beliefs.
The piece that I am called to share with you now is the true grit and devotion piece. Human beings are wired to stay put and to stay safe, it is true that we can not grow from that place of safety, for any kind of transformation in our lives we need constriction and restriction. In fact, for a new paradigm to emerge there needs to be utter chaos in order to make way for the metamorphosis and transformation. Think about it, failure spurs us on to success, death allows the way for birth, from disorder comes order, falling down allows for us to get up again and again.
Often what we are resisting is the very thing that wants and needs to show up to allow us to breakthrough. It was no coincidence that I landed in a temporary accommodation room on that night, I was given an incredible opportunity for deep healing and transformation, and as much as I resisted this I soon knew that this situation was here to love me, grow me, and to prosper me.
To walk the walk, talk the talk, to continue in the face of adversity, AND to know that every seeming challenge is a complete gift, is our task right now. We truly are the experiencer having the experience, and as we open up to the knowing that the experience is living through us to teach, show and guide us to living more fully, it is then that life makes sense.
My takeaway is for you to know that whatever is seemingly going on right now, it is here to show you and remind you of your greatness, your magnificence, and your power. No this doesn’t always make things easy, living in a room with my loved one is a test that I’m not sure I am fully passing. And yet as I allow myself to let go completely of how I think it should be, the most amazing miracles happen. A new bed came to me the other day, constant food is appearing, and money and opportunity are just popping into my daily experience. The old is always wanting to pass away and the new paradigm is always ready and waiting to come through, are you ready to allow this process now with grace and acceptance, and to know that it is all Love. As you open your heart and mind to this greater allowing you will experience life and reality in a very different way. So breathe fully, know that everything happening FOR you and that you are divinely loved in all ways just as you are.
You also must realize in your mind that YOU ARE THE POWER for your life and that YOU lead your life.
Home is wherever you are in any given moment, and you have the power to shape and form the knowledge of your experience.
This is the Divine power and confidence that is planted and seeded in you, and in each of us. If you are guided to take steps that may not seem logical, and I am not suggesting that you act impulsively, check in again and again with your heart and make the change in your intention. It may take a while and it may not be instant, however, if you are aligned with it then it will materialize. When I walked away from my living situation a year ago, I didn’t feel great about what I was doing, and yet I knew that it would transpire and turn out for all our highest good. I couldn’t see that clearly at the time, however right now from where I am sitting, I can see the bigger picture and it is one that is infused with goodness and love.
You Got the Power